Ageing and happiness: they go hand in hand

When I was in my early twenties I read Betty Friedan’s book, ‘Fountain of Age.’ It wasn’t as popular as some of her other works, but it shaped how I looked at life, people and relationships as I aged. I loved that the book broke down myths about ageing, and spoke instead about how men and women continue to find vitality, renewed purpose and, in fact, more satisfaction as they grew older. I was reminded of Freidan’s work when I recently read a research paper titled, ‘The Positivity Effect: a negativity bias in youth fades with age’ by Laura. L. Carstensen and Marguerite DeLiema. The researchers posit that as we grow older, we process cognitive information differently in the context of what we remember and how we perceive information. According to the American Psychological Association, “Positivity Effect is an increasing tendency for older adults, compared to younger people, to attend to, recall, and process positive information to a greater degree than they do negative information.” [first proposed in the 1990s by U.S. psychologist Laura L. Carstensen]
There is sufficient research and evidence that as we age, the positivity effect increases and older adults have a preference for it. While the brain is wired for negativity bias (a focus on negative events, our tendency to be impacted more by negative than positive events) it seems that this tendency can undergo a change as we age. I find this information refreshing and a big source of hope that at various stages of life one can lead and work towards a fulfilling life.
This research ties in with my own experience of two decades as a therapist. It’s important to see positivity effect as a preference and a perspective shift which may come with age but which also requires individuals to both cognitively and emotionally work towards it. We need to be mindful in not overgeneralizing this and believing that everyone automatically moves towards this as they get older. As we get older, we begin to make sense of our past and our memories in terms of a larger context instead of the tunnel vision which afflicts us in in our youth. As a result, it’s common for people in their fifties, sixties or older to report that the choices they made in their twenties, thirties begin to make sense to them as they examine how their lives have shaped. I also hear older clients in therapy talk about looking back at past events in their lives with greater understanding, meaning and even optimism. While adulting continues to remain hard, it helps to know that with age we will gain experiences that teach us about grit, resilience, interdependence.
When I spoke about this with one of my uncles, he mentioned how people who have saved for retirement or those who are empty nesters often found themselves far less stressed and more at ease in their skin than they had previously imagined. Part of this is true when people have worked towards developing a better relationship with money and developed communities, friendships and made other meaningful connections. I also believe that recognizing that our time is limited and the acceptance that death is inevitable helps us to maximize our potential and work towards relationships, purpose, and managing our inner critic. All of this put together allows for positivity effect to trickle in.
Perhaps Betty Freidan was aware of this all along when she wrote, “Aging is not lost youth, but a new stage of opportunity and strength.”